There are women that become mothers without effort, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be a better mother not because of genetics, or money or that I have read better books. But because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take the time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle everyday for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed and that I am not waking to give myself another injection of prophecy and cry tears of a broken dream - my dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense, that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I give birth to or a child that God leads me to...... I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured................. I am a better Aunt, a better Wife, a better Daughter, Neighbor, Friend and Sister, because I have known pain, known disillusionment, been betrayed by my own body, been tried by fire and a Hell many will luckily never face, and given time, I stood tall. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they accept Harsh Truths, when Life is beyond hard.

Valentine's Gift

A gift for you on Valentine's Day, What on earth could it be? I know the gift you really want, Is to once again have me. Or perhaps the gift of understanding, To make sense of a senseless loss. I'm sorry, my dearest Daddy, But for those gifts, you must talk to the boss. The gifts that I can give today, Are memories, both sad and sweet. From the touch of your hand on Mummy's tummy, To my tiny little feet. Remember the joy you felt inside, When you found out you would be my Daddy? The great big smiles upon your face, You were over the moon, you were so happy.

Remember when you felt me move, The wonder and love you'd feel? Remember it today Daddy, It just might help you heal. Remember the little cuddles we had, And the moments that we shared. Remember my little nose, And the color of my hair, I love you dearest Daddy, you know that this is true. Just keep your memories of me alive, And I will always live in you.

A Visit From Mom

I drove into the cemetery

With tears in my eyes today

I placed a flower upon your grave

And bowed my head to pray

Looking at the simple marker

Nothing fancy, or overdone

I couldn't help but cry as I read

The birth and death of my youngest son

I told you how much I missed you

Your face I could clearly see

You have died, but are not lost

You will always be a part of me

There's emptiness in our home now

An empty house, an empty chair

Our family is broken forever

A son's love is no longer there

So I'll say goodbye for a little while

Sleep in peace and always know

I didn't want to give you back to God

He took your hand, and I had to let go

(c) Beverly Delisa All Rights